This is a review of the English version of Bloom Into You: Regarding Saeki Sayaka, licensed by Seven Seas Entertainment.
Another volume 3. The latter half of chapter 3 was previously covered here.
This one is about chapter 4 and miscellaneous mistakes.
page 224-225 (Japanese)
“But you are my senpai.”
「いやでも先輩ですし」
This is inconsistent with how the publisher translates 先輩, which is “upperclassman/upperclassmen” when used generally and “senpai” when used as a name.
“But you are my upperclassman.”
“I just feel a ton of resistance about calling someone older than me by their first name.”
「年上を呼び捨てにすることに凄く抵抗があるなぁ、わたし」
Concerning 呼び捨て: now the issue seems to be about using first names. How has Haru been addressing Sayaka all this time?
The issue is about not using an honorific. It should be noted that the publisher properly conveyed this concept in volume 1 and earlier in this volume.
“I feel a ton of resistance to calling someone older than me just by their name.”
page 226-227 (Japanese)
Haru accepted my statement and seemed satisfied; she touched my hair, which was now at my back, and stroked it softly.
For a while, we stayed like that in front of the apartment front with its small amount of illumination.
ハルはそれを受けて満たされるように、私の下ろした髪に触れる。
やわやわと、撫でてくる。
アパート前の小さな照明の側で、少しの間そうしていた。
Concerning 下ろした髪: now Sayaka’s hair seems to have grown to her back. This is inconsistent with the illustration. Also, “in front of the apartment front” is redundant.
Sayaka doesn’t do up part of her hair, and Haru strokes that lock.
Haru accepts my statement and seems satisfied; she touches the lock of hair I wore loose.
Gently, she strokes it.
For a while, we stayed like that in front of the apartment with its small amount of illumination.
“Using your first name, huh… Maybe I’ll ask Yuu-chan for pointers.”
「呼び捨てかぁ……侑ちゃんにコツでも聞いてみようかな」
Concerning 呼び捨て: now the issue seems to be about using first names. How has Haru been addressing Sayaka all this time?
The issue is about not using an honorific. Also, the publisher properly conveyed this concept in volume 1 and earlier in this volume.
“Using just your name, huh… Maybe I’ll ask Yuu-chan for pointers.”
“Since Yuu-chan said that she uses her girlfriend’s first name.”
“Huh…”
I didn’t know that. I wondered if, when they were alone together with hands entwined, they put aside all distance and called each other by their first names.
「侑ちゃんは彼女さんのこと呼び捨てにしてるって言ってたから」
「へぇ……」
知らなかった。二人きりだとそんな風に、手を絡めるように距離を捨てて呼び合うのだろうか。
Same change in nuance as the previous example. Extraneous implication: now Sayaka wonders if Yuu and Touko use each other’s first names when they hold hands.
Sayaka wonders if Yuu does not use an honorific when alone with Touko.
“Since Yuu-chan said that she calls her girlfriend just by her name.”
“Huh…”
I didn’t know that. Did they call each other like that when they were alone together, putting aside all distance as if to entwine hands?
page 228 (Japanese)
“Oh, yeah, I guess that’s true.”
「あ、そうなるのか」
Concerning そうなるのか: now Haru seems to accept Sayaka as a bad girl.
Haru wonders if that makes Sayaka a bad girl.
“Ah, is that how it goes?”
page 231 (Japanese)
Our chilliness and the slow itchiness that was coming about and the warmth…
そのお互いの冷たさは、じわじわと生まれるむず痒さと温かさは。
Concerning じわじわと生まれるむず痒さと温かさは: now the warmth seems to be separate from the itchiness.
As described in the scene where Sayaka and Haru visit Yuu, itchiness comes from the growing heat.
Our chilliness, the itchiness and warmth that was slowly coming about…
page 234 (Japanese)
But maybe this was just part of falling in love with someone.
でも人を好きになるっていうのは、こういうことかもしれない。
Concerning 人を好きになる: the parallel with the chapter endings in volume 2 are gone.
Sayaka wanted to know more about coming to love someone, and truly learned what that meant after she met Haru.
But perhaps this is what it means to come to love someone.
…But, for three more months or so, I wanted to at least feign being a good senpai.
……でも取りあえずあと三ヶ月くらいは、格好をつけた先輩でいたい。
This is inconsistent with how the publisher translates 先輩, which is “upperclassman/upperclassmen” when used generally and “senpai” when used as a name.
upperclassman
page 236 (Japanese)
Of course, since I was depicting a character that didn’t appear in the manga based on very basic information, I naturally had to come up with everything myself, so…I feel like there’s something about her that’s a little different from the manga’s atmosphere.
設定だけで漫画に登場していないような人物は勿論私が考えて描写しているわけなのですが、明確にあれよね、漫画の雰囲気となんかちょっと違うよねと感じる。
How much sense do the subclauses “that didn’t appear in the manga based on very basic information” make? Loss of details: 明確に is gone.
Haru exists in the manga’s setting, and makes no direct appearance.
Of course, I had to come up with and depict a character who was just established without appearing in the manga, but I clearly feel like there’s something about her that’s a little different from the manga’s atmosphere.
The following sets are inconsistent translations for the same lines of text.
near the end of chapter 1
“Because, right now, I’ve fallen for you,” she said.
near the end of chapter 2
“Because, right now, I’m in love with you.”
page 12 and 105 (Japanese)
「だってわたし、今、あなたのことが好きだもの」
the color gallery
After opening up her heart to me, that was the final thing she did to finish things off.
Edamoto-san, literally right before my eyes, only was half-visible in my vision.
In the other half of my vision, I absentmindedly thought back to my junior high days.
near the end of chapter 2
With that finishing blow, she opened up her heart to me completely.
Edamoto-san, literally right before my eyes, was only half-visible to me.
In the other half of my vision, I dazedly thought back to my junior high days.
page 2 and 105 (Japanese)
彼女は打ち明けた胸の内を、最後にそう締めくくる。
言葉通り、目と鼻の先にいる枝元さんのことは半分ほどしか目に入っていなくて。
残り半分で中学校の頃を、ぼんやりと思い返していた。
The character should say the same thing when it is the same event, and the color gallery excerpt is supposed to match the passage in the story.
It is a shame how the publisher seems to have an aversion to keeping events and passages consistent.
“Because, right now, I love you.”
She finished off with that, baring her heart to me.
Only half of me registered Edamoto-san, who was literally right before my eyes.
The other half was dazedly thinking back on my junior high days.
This volume, similar to the previous ones, has over 150 changes.
Thus concludes the investigation on nuances lost or changed in the light novels.
Many thanks to everyone who supported me with this project.
By the way, the publisher also made errors in the anthology: volume 1 and volume 2.
Thoughts and things
By coincidence, I took issue with every volume’s opening line.
I don’t understand why the publisher cut content in the first place, since novels are supposed to depict the character’s thoughts, tangents and all.
Not to mention some of the lines that the editorial process deemed “unnecessary” were important enough to show up in the stage reading adaptation.
Various incongruities and grammar errors could have been avoided if the publisher used “senpai” instead of “upperclassman/upperclassmen”.
I’ve commented before about how I use “I love ____” as opposed to the publisher’s “I’m in love with ____” for ○○が好き when critiquing the manga, but Haru’s case is rather notable.
To quote from page 184: 「友情と愛情に違いなんてないよ。相手を大切に想うこと、それが全部だから」 「だからわたしは、家族も、友達も、沙弥香先輩もみんな大事かどうかだけで考えてる。言い方はなんだけど、優先したい順位とかもね」
In contrast to people who cherish others in terms of family/friends/lovers/etc., Haru cherishes by ranking.
For example, Haru might cherish Sayaka more than she cherishes her family, and she might cherish her family more than she cherishes her friends.
Since Haru doesn’t particularly differentiate between types of affection, it would make more sense for her to use “I love you” rather than variations of “I’m in love with you”.
There are a lot of lines that parallel each other, but these patterns are lost because the publisher translates inconsistently or even removes the reoccurring words/phrases.
Apparently, the publisher cannot keep Sayaka’s book preferences consistent.
If I had not waited for the publisher to fail to carry out their plans of releasing re-edited editions later in 2021, this project would have been completed about half a year sooner.
I don’t like how much Sayaka loses her wonderings and how her thoughts lose their flow.
What was the point of changing the taste of beer from bitter to sour?
I don’t like the change in tenses. The novel in Japanese uses a mix of non-past and past tense, but in English uses past tense.
As a result, Sayaka’s voice isn’t quite captured.
With non-past tense, the transition happens smoothly between Sayaka’s narration (observations) and her thoughts (commentary).
By turning things into past tense, Sayaka’s thoughts are changed into narration or become italicized.
Furthermore, they are inconsistently italicized.
Did the publisher really think that removing a spoken line would not affect the dialogue?
It should be noted that the person credited for the manga and anthology’s translation is credited for the light novel’s adaptation.
This makes inconsistencies between the stories more conspicuous. If one is involved with all the stories in this series, shouldn’t they be familiar with its aspects?
One of the translators for the light novels even mentioned that term sheets/style sheets exist.
Why did the publisher use different romanization systems for the manga and light novels?
Similar to the manga, there is a reoccurring problem with words pertaining to time. If you construct a timeline based on the changed words, it would only make sense if the series took place in a world that uses different logic.
I didn’t keep an exact count, but the total number of differences/errors in the manga, light novel, and anthology series is over 900, maybe even 1000.
It was rather vindicating to see the stage reading adaptation match much better with my interpretations than with Seven Seas’.
Even if one ignores the translation quality, the writing quality is such that some passages make no sense.
Aletheia 
