This is a translation of 凛’s entry.
I thought about the reasons why Yuu loves and Touko is loved in episode 44. . .
After reading up to episode 44, I tried deeply writing some of my thoughts.
To start,
I thought about the 「reasons」 why Yuu loves and Touko is loved in episode 44.
Rather than viewing the two as naturally being 「uke or seme」,
I think about the direction that the vectors of their psychological 「troubles」 take.
Nio-sensei had once spoken that Yuu’s troubles are by no means dark, which is well understood when compared with Touko’s.
【Yuu’s case】
・ Wanting to come to love someone (the direction of Yuu sending out her feelings)
→ Loving Touko can be said as Yuu’s establishment of identity
【Touko’s case】
・ Sense of loss from losing her sister → denial of self, low self-affirmation
Perhaps,
「I should have died instead of Onee-chan」 ← there is a large possibility she thought as such.
・ She didn’t consider dying (didn’t get to that point) because she had the purpose called 『in her sister’s stead』. (Maybe she didn’t want to cause her parents further grief?)
So…
what if the Touko who lives in her sister’s stead, carries out the student council play that her sister couldn’t do?
→ There was plenty of danger that it would lead to Touko’s 「loss of reason to live」
・ By meeting Yuu, she could come to love someone… still, that doesn’t resolve her denial of self or her low feelings of self affirmation, but she was able to avoid 「loss of reason to live」 thanks to Yuu
・ What Touko really needed was to be heartfeltly loved by someone, and for Touko herself to become able to accept that love.
→ After many twists and turns, Yuu and Touko were able to communicate their feelings.
Given the positions of each other’s minds,
Yuu → to love
Touko → to be loved
for the two’s establishment of identity (the fundamental solution to their troubles) to happen,
the conclusion that 「Yuu makes love with Touko」 is an extremely natural form in episode 44.
Also, regarding what Touko says to Yuu during episode 44
「If what you want and what I want are the same, that’d be nice」
・ What Yuu wants → wanting to come to love someone (feelings of love for Touko, love for Touko)
・ What Touko wants → wanting to be loved by someone, wanting to accept that love (feelings of love from Yuu, love from Yuu)
it is clear that what the two want are in complete agreement.
… Nio-sensei’s logic is perfect. . .
And one more thing I’ve been thinking about earlier.
The start of volume 2, the first page of episode 6.
The scene where Touko puts on her uniform in front of the mirror.
As she recalls Yuu saying 「I want to help Nanami-senpai」,
Touko smiles in front of the mirror.
(In the anime, it depicts her somewhat minding herself like “… how do I look?” while looking at the mirror.)
At a glance, it looks like a very normal scene…
This Touko is 「Touko who came to love Yuu」.
No one else but 「Nanami Touko」 is looking at the mirror, and when doing student council activities today, how will she look in front of 「Koito Yuu」 whom she came to love? is why she minds herself.
When one falls in love, how do they look in front of the other party? is certainly why some start minding themselves, which is also the case with Touko here.
Before then, what kind of feelings did Touko have when she stood front of the mirror, that reflected her appearance.
For the sake of 『becoming like Onee-chan』, Touko mostly extinguished her own existence for seven years. I think that maybe she didn’t see her appearance reflected in the mirror, and had always seen her sister, Mio’s appearance, standing in front of the mirror.
When I see that scene with such thoughts… it’s considerably painful… ( ˃̣̣̥᷄_˂̣̣̥᷅ )
I think Yuu who rescued Touko from 「seven years of darkness」 is definitely a superhero.
Yuu-chan, thank you so much for having met Touko…!!!!! (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)
Touko probably hasn’t broken free of everything yet, but with those two changing little by little, I have no worries!
Feel free to spend your life together! I’m full of such feelings.
The Na (七) of Nanami (七海) and seven years… are they related after all? was something I thought by accident.
Thoughts about Touko really never ends…. . .
Well anyway, excuse me for the night… lol
Translation notes:
アイデンティティの確立 (establishment of identity) probably refers to Erikson’s theory on psychological development.
「生きる理由の喪失」 and 「生きる理由の損失」 both translate to 「loss of reason to live」. The difference is 喪失 has a sense of finality (complete loss, lost forever), and 損失 is less serious (partial loss, recoverable losses).
Aletheia 